STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
