Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
