Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize