Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
