Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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