see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
3pm strippers are depressing
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
