never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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