Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Randomize