I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
