the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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