Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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