you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
