i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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