I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
