I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
