I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize