Three words: puerto rican gang bang
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
