Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
