I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
