he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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