YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
