I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
