She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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