How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
