talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Who died my cat blue again?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
