I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
