My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
