the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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