He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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