he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
