White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
