i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
