I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize