If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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