I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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