When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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