Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
