I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
