So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
