I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
