I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize