The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
