I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
