I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
