Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Randomize
