You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
