the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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