im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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