ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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