Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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