I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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