If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize