she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
