ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
