she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
