If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
