You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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