you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just forgot I was standing up.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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