the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
