I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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