My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
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