first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
