he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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