You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Drunk is not a location!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
