then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
