I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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