....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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