no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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